Exponentially Ex-ed

Ex-Boyfriend³ (you know who you are),

I don’t understand you. You never cease to (at the very least) intimate your deep feelings of regret in regards to our break-up that happened over 10,000 years ago. I’m not sure exactly what you regret, to be quite honest. I was young, dumb, and inexperienced.

In case you don’t quite remember, I was far from what most consider an “awesome girlfriend”.

Aside from the “whore of the month” award I received during our 3rd year together, there wasn’t much else that I can remember about myself that could have even been near appealing.

I “cooked” Ramen Noodles and sandwiches for dinner every night for 3 years before I learned how to make tacos.

I cleaned up the apartment when it was necessary, but for the most part, if you didn’t pick up your beer bottles, they were staying where you left them. I was all kinds of feminist/ girl power motivated in my youth.

I had the smartest mouth in America. I talked so much shit to you that I’m surprised you didn’t shoot yourself. In fact, when you called telling me you were about to shoot yourself, I said, “prove it”.


Heartless me, that’s who.

What a bitch I was. I’m glad I’ve changed so much.

Just ask my husband.

I did a lot of things back then that I would never dream of doing today.Unfortunately for you, your name  is #6 on that list.

5 responses to “Exponentially Ex-ed

  1. i like this one

  2. “I did a lot of things back then that I would never dream of doing today.Unfortunately for you, your name is #6 on that list. ” I’ve got a few of those names too! Isn’t it embarrassing to look back and remember what you were like? I try not to do it often.

  3. Yeah, it can be depressing. BUT you know what they say – “learn from your mistakes”. I’m not saying this guy was a mistake, just that I can’t imagine how he doesn’t view me as one.

  4. Haha. He must be a glutton for punishment.

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