I loathe schedules. Even if I make the damn thing myself, I hate having to do things at or by a certain time. Obviously, this can be an issue while dealing with oh, I don’t know, everyday life.
As an adult, I am expected to live by a certain kind of social contract. One that involves treating others the way I’d like to be treated. I will say that if I’m waiting on someone for more than 5 minutes past the agreed meeting time? I’m pretty irritated. It makes me think that they must think their time is worth more than mine or they must not respect me enough to keep their word or some other irrational conclusion that leads back to me and how it makes me feel because I’m so self centered I can’t think for a second that maybe – just maybe – there was an accident on the freeway or something else as simple and legitimate.
When it comes to meeting people in a situation that relies on me to do my part, I rarely disappoint. This is why I’m finding myself in an identity crisis at the moment.
Part of the awesomeness that is me is the fact that I’m somewhat of a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type of girl. Granted, The Cole hindered my gypsy lifestyle quite a bit, but at least I still felt as though I could act on impulse and without purpose every now and then. These days, however, I couldn’t possibly get away with anything of the sort. I feel slightly guilty for even posting this right now because I should definitely be handling matters that need my attention in my work world.
I love what I do and have chosen to be as involved in it as I am. I don’t HAVE to spend 10 hours a day (at least) getting this off the ground. But I committed myself and I’ve seen the results. They are great. Better than anyone before me, at least. And I know that anything worth having is not easy to attain. I know that it’s always rough and demanding in the beginning, but if I lay the groundwork correctly, it will run itself in just a couple of years. I know all these things – but I sometimes look at the schedule I’m forced to keep track of, with all these circles and highlights and yes, even color coding, and wonder what the hell happened to my life.
I guess I grew up.
No one saw that comin’.