All of the following took place before 9 a.m. this morning.
“Pretend, pretend, pretend that I’m the black Spiderman and you’re the red one, okay? And I go baaaam, like that, and you go oooooooooooh, like that – and you fall down and be dead. Okay? Pretend”
“Pretend, pretend, pretend that I’m a zombie, okay? And I say I’m a zombie. I going to eat your brains, like that, okay? And you run away cuz you so scared and then I catch you and eat your brains, okay? Pretend, Mommy, okay?”
“Pretend, pretend, pretend that it’s so dark outside and I have flashlights to make darkness and darkness and shadows on the wall and baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, scary like that and I chase you and you fall down because it’s so dark and because I only have flashlights – not you. Okay, Mommy? Okay? Pretend.”
“Pretend … Mommy, pretend I smashed my penis in the toilet. OWWWWWWWWWWWW. Like that. Okay? Mommy! Pretend.”
“Pretend I already clean my room, Mommy.”
“Mommy, pretend you say yes to me and after my bath we can go to Grammy and Darrell’s house. Okay, Mommy? Puuuulleeeeaaaaaassssse! Pretty? Pretend you said yes to me. You say, okay Colebert. I say yes to you(in his best Mommy impersonation) . Okay, Mommy. Pretend.”
An hour later ….
“MOMMY! Pretend you not mean mommy and say yes to take me to Grammy and Darrell’s house. PRETEND!!!”
He wasn’t real impressed with my telling him to get in the pretend car. I don’t think he’ll really appreciate the pretend lunch he’s about to receive, either. But hey, if he wants me to play “pretend” so badly, I’ll play.